In refutation to the accusations made towards A'isha (ra), the Prophet (SAW) wife ...

Umar said that A'isha was undoubtedly chaste and pure ... 
And that she had been slandered ... 

When asked how he knew, he replied:

O Messenger of Allah, once you were praying .... 
You stopped and explained that Archangel Gabriel had come and informed you that there was some dirt in your slippers ... 
If there were some impurity in A'isha, God certainly would have informed you ...

His every call was a breath of life for their souls ... 
A breath that could revive old, rotten bones ...


Imam Busiri says:

Were his value and greatness to be demonstrated by miracles ...

The bones that have rotted away were revived by calling his name ...

We are not composed only of our minds ... 

God has endowed us with many faculties ...

Each of which needs satisfaction ... 

So while feeding our minds with the Divine signs in the universe ... 

We seek to cleanse our hearts of sin ... 

We live a balanced life in awareness of Divine supervision ...

And continuously seek His forgiveness ... 

In this way, we eventually conquer our desire for forbidden things ... 

And through prayer, ask God to enable us to do good deeds ...

There are many paths leading to the Straight Path 
As the number of breaths drawn in creation ... 

Whoever strives for His cause is guided, by God 
To one of the paths and is save from going astray ... 

Whoever is guided to His Straight Path, by God 
Lives a balanced life ... 

They neither exceed the limits in their human needs and activities 
Or in their worship and other religious observances ... 

Such balance is the sign of true guidance ...

Ibn Ata'illah ...

With the first Allahu akbar 

They put the world and all of its inhabitants behind them

With the second Allahu akbar 

They forget the hereafter

With the third Allahu akbar 

They cast the very thought of anything other than God out of their heart

With the fourth Allahu akbar 

They forget even themselves

Ibn Ata'illah ...

Do not let the delay of what you are fervently praying for 

Discourage you

Or 

Dishearten you

  

For He has guaranteed you the answer 

In what He chooses for you

Not in what you choose for yourself

And when He wills 

Not when you do

Ibn Ata'illah ...

Nothing benefits the heart more than a spiritual seclusion ...

Whereby it enters the domain of true reflections ...

Prophet Muhammas (SAW) ...

Two friends are likened to a pair of hands ... 
One of which washes the other ...

The Mystery Of The Ka'ba ...

Likened to the believer's heart which he orbits constantly ...
Veiled from its interior ... 
The mystery continues to draw us like bees to nectar ...

Tariq ibn Suwayd ...

I used to suffer from an illness 
And took alcohol as a remedy ... 

When alcohol was banned 
I asked God's Messenger whether I could continue using this remedy ... 

He told me: 

No, for it is not a remedy ... Rather, it is the disease itself ... 

Scientists now agree that even a single drop of alcohol is harmful to one's physical and spiritual health ...

(Excerpt from "The Messenger of God: Muhammad" pg. 66 The Essential of Prophethood)

Almost nothing of this world has come unveiled or pure ...

But the words of the Messenger preserve their purity undefiled ...

And still wait to be understood fully ...

The death of God's Messenger touched Fatima so deeply that she gave voice to her grief in the following verses:

What else does the one 
Who has smelt the soil of Muhammad's tomb 
Need ???

Does one really need the smell of anything else ???

I have been struck by such misfortune 
That if they had fallen upon days

They would have changed into nights

Change will not come if we wait for some other person 

Or some other time ...

We are the ones we've been waiting for ...

We are the change that we seek ...

Pearls Of Wisdom From Fethullah Gulen ...

People usually view others through the mirror of their spirit and see them like themselves because of the stain and dirt on that mirror. Therefore, their judgement of others is completely wrong and unfair. Although such sinful ones with a foul spirit see others at loss, it is they who are really at a loss.

Those who do not increase in dedication to worship of God as they grow older, are really unfortunate because they are making a loss at a time when they could be making a profit. If those ones understood this, they would weep for what they find amusing today.

A women's inner depth, chastity, and dignity elevate her higher than angels and cause her to resemble an unmatched diamond. A disreputable woman is a false coin, an undignified woman is a puppet to be ridiculed. In the destructive atmosphere of such women, it is possible to find neither a healthy home nor a sound generation.

The happiest and most fortunate people are those who are always intoxicated with the ardent desire for the worlds beyond. Those who confine themselves within the narrow and suffocating limits of their bodily existence are really in prison, even though they may be living in palaces.

Love is one of the most subtle blessings that the Most Merciful One has bestowed upon humanity. It exists in everyone as a seed. This seed germinates under favourable circumstances and, growing like a tree, blossoms into a flower, and finally ripens, like a fruit, to unite the beginning with the end.

The true life is the one lived at the spiritual level. Those whose hearts are alive, conquering the past and the future, cannot be contained by time. Such people are never excessively distressed by sorrows of the past or anxieties of the future. Those who cannot experience full existence in their hearts, and thus lead banal, shallow lives, are always gloomy and inclined to hoplessness. They consider the past a horrifying grave, and the future an endless well. It is torment if they die, and it is torment if they survive.

Pablo Neruda ...

Here I came to the very edge
Where nothing at all needs saying ...

Everything is absorbed through weather and the sea
And the moon swam back
Its rays all silvered ...

And time and again the darkness would be broken
By the crash of a wave ...

And every day on the balcony of the sea
Wings open 

Fire is born

And everything is blue again like morning ...

Pablo Neruda ...

And it was at that age 
Poetry arrived in search of me 

I don't know 
I don't know where it came from
From winter or a river

I don't know how or when
No they were not voices 
They were not words
Nor silence

But from a street I was summoned
From the branches of night
Abruptly from the others
Among violent fires
Or returning alone
There I was without a face
And it touched me

I did not know what to say 
My mouth had no way with names
My eyes were blind
And something started in my soul
Fever or forgotten wings
And I made my own way
Deciphering that fire
And I wrote the first faint line

Faint
Without substance 
Pure nonsense
Pure wisdom
Of someone who knows nothing

And suddenly I saw the heavens unfastened
And open
Planets
Palpitating plantations
Shadow perforated
Riddled with arrows 
Fire and flowers
The winding night 
The universe

And I 
Infinitesimal being
Drunk with the great starry void
Likeness 
Image of mystery
Felt myself a pure part of the abyss

I wheeled with the stars
My heart broke loose on the wind

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You ... By Pablo Neruda ...

I do not love you except because I love you

I go from loving to not loving you
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire

I love you only because it's you the one I love

I hate you deeply ... And hating you
Bend to you ... And the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel ray 
Stealing my key to true calm 

In this part of the story I am the one who dies 
The only one 
And I will die of love because I love you

Because I love you
Love

In fire and blood

Palestine's People Never Say Goodbye ... Suheir Hammad

Suheir Hammad writing from Occupied Jerusalem,
Live from Palestine, 26 July 2004

25 July 2004 — "Palestine is a land of fare-the-wells", says Attallah. This is true. Palestine's people never say goodbye. How can they? One cannot say goodbye to friends, family and land, because these things are with us always. And when strangers come to her, with an open heart and an open mind, they become her family as well. So we gather to say "Travel safe. See you soon. The best days are ahead," to our dear Rafael, who leaves for France on the 24th. We stay up all night. The muezzin's call finds us awake. The first light of dawn, and we are still sitting. Yazen, Peter, Wael, Maysoon, Rafael and I. We are a motley crew. Between us - Christian, Muslim, Jew. Buddhist, Nature Lover, Goddess Devotee. French, Swedish, Polish, Palestinian. Town and country. Ramallah raised, Ramallah living, Ramallah passing through.

At some point, each of us passes out for a while, except Yazen. Here is a truth I have found. No matter how light hearted and cool Palestinian men are, underneath is a storm of emotion. The stories are so well hidden, so acutely masked, once a brother starts opening up, you can't sleep. Over and over, whether through drinks or curfew, the stories are slowly shared. And they are always beyond imagination. The layers of frustration and oppression are so tightly packed, one would think them cloth instead of armor.

Once we are sure the stores are open, Yazen and I take a cab to buy fuul, humous and falafel. We bring the meal back to our friends. Drink tea and eat bread. Wael and Yazen head off to their parents' home, in a town outside of Ramallah. Many of the men who live in Ramallah "go home" on Fridays to eat lunch with their families. The rest of us try to sleep. We get in two hours or so when Attallah, Moeen and Ayman call to say they are at the pool. Huh? I'll drown sleeping. But they are waiting, and it is Rafael's last day, and we always have fun once we leave the house. The pool is full of kids and it is late afternoon before we show up. We swim and chill. And get hungry.

We fold into Ayman's pickup truck to get to the Plaza Restaurant, rightly famous for it's grill. I am hungry and sun tired. The lemonade is bracing and the salads fresh. I eat more meat than I have in years, and everything is delicious. We all begin to look at Rafael every ten minutes and say, "Well, Rafael...we'll miss you". His eyes are brimming. Our hearts are full. Our appetites finally sated. And sleep is threatening a mutiny on my ship.

Both Rafael and Maysoon have to head to Jerusalem. It is late, and Qalandia checkpoint has been in drama all day long. It has been closed two or three times. There is formidable traffic. The army is thick. Moeen drops them off before the checkpoint. It's not like you can just drive up. We are usually dropped off five minutes of walking away. Further away more often now. The traffic is crazy in every direction and people are rushing to make it through before the army shuts the station down. Children sleepy, parents exhausted. The old complain they are too old for this.

Maysoon notices an odd formation of soldiers. In a row. Guns drawn. Rafael is walking towards them. There are no street lights on. He thinks he's walking towards an empty van. She pulls him closer to her, and shots are fired. Yes. The soldiers shot into the crowd. No warning fire. No megaphone. Live bullets into a crowd of hundreds. It is so dark, my friends see the sparks fly out of the guns. They keep walking, slowly. Surely. Maysoon figures they won't shoot in the direction of other soldiers, and she is right. They breeze through the checkpoint. No questions asked by either side. Once through, an Israeli soldier asks her where she's from, in English. "Can you believe he wanted to have a normal conversation with me?"

I am in Ramallah when she calls. Peter is sketching and I am painting. The first time she calls, she is in shock. We are all in shock. Rafael was inches away from dying. He wonders what he would have done if it had been Maysoon shot. We all thank God they left a few minutes sooner than later. The second time she calls, she is in front of Damascus Gate, bugging. I listen to her. Tell her I love her. I wish I could be there to hold her, instead I say, "Place your hands on the stones of the walled city. Give them all of this pain and fear. They have lived through much before this. Absorbed much more than this. Give this night up to them. Then lay your back against stones. Ask them to fortify you. To keep your head up and your back straight. They got you. I got you"

As sleepy as I'd been earlier, I am now awake. Peter and I discuss life, painting, music and of course, heart. We listen to Stevie Wonder, John Coltrane and Um Kolthom. When sleep comes, I am ready.

I wake up early, the sun shining into my face. I call Hamdi for a ride to Qalandia. I will be meeting Maysoon and Bassima at Damascus Gate so we can all ride to Dheisheh together. I will also see Rafael hours before he has to be at the airport. This is my first checkpoint crossing alone on this trip. There is still evidence of the previous night's violence. Bullet ridden blockades, stones loosed from earth. Garbage. Weariness. The sun spares no mercy, and the actual checkpoint area is packed with people. It is nearly 2:00 PM. The army has divided the crowd into men and women. There are many more men, and so they get the larger section, with a tin roof for shade. Most of the women have their hair covered in hijab, and their hands full with children and bags. There is no order. There is no system. If you do not push your way to the soldier, you will be cut in line by entire villages.

The soldier yells in her guttural Arabic, "Go back! Move back, girls! Girls, move!" Most of the women are old enough to be her mother, and more than a few, her grandmother. She is using a hand held metal detector to go through bags of grape leaves, olives, children's clothes, wallets. I open my back pack and she waves her dammed wand over it. Then she slides it over my stomach. I'm so surprised, so violated, my mouth drops open. There was no need for it at all. Maysoon says, "Couldn't she see how flat your stomach is?" It was power. Simple and plain. Yes, folks have strapped explosives on under shirts. But that's wasn't what she was looking for. She was looking to break me. To break us. I place my right hand over my womb and say a prayer for my body and her soul.

I make my way to the vans that drive to Jerusalem. I get into one with a family of father, mother, grandmother, two children and an infant. Two teenage girls get in after me, and finally, an older man. Our driver is a handsome young man, with a bright smile and rosy cheeks. We pay our three and a half shekels each. We are not far from Bit Henena when we get to a group of soldiers. They wave some vans and buses through, they point ours to the side. A young soldier opens up the door. "Permits!" he yells into the car. We all have our IDs ready. He blindly scans the passengers and then his eyes fall on my passport. "Give it," he says. He calls a partner over, and they tell the driver to park the car to the side. They close the door and take my passport with them.

Ten minutes later they return. How can I know it's ten minutes? Time does not exist in this madness. Another soldier brings back my passport, and then asks for the permits of the men in the car. The driver has to hand his in as well, along with the paperwork for his car. "They're gonna write down who is going where. They were going to let us through until they saw your passport." He is not mean, nor is he angry. I apologize profusely. "This is just the way they are," he sighs. Still, I sit with my fellow passengers for twenty minutes (this I counted) in the van. If the baby had started crying, if the grandmother had cursed the second I'd gotten into the car, if the girls had started hissing at me, if the driver had been in a bad mood....I think of all the ways Grace blessed the situation. It could have truly been hell on wheels. As it was, it was bad enough. Powerlessness.

I believe the permits taken from the men, and my own passport, were recorded into some kind of database so the IDF can track where folks travel to and from. I believe now more than ever they do not want Americans and other nationals witnessing what is happening here. We are supposed to be afraid to move from one town to another. We are supposed to be blind to the continuing and accelerated construction of The Wall. And we absolutely must not see Palestinians as human beings. Never that.

When we finally make it to the new drop off point, further away from the Damascus Gate, I apologize to the driver once again. He graciously smiles and waves my sorry away. "This is our life."

I had called Maysoon half way through the ordeal, and she had in turn called the Consulate. I'd spoken to her again once the permits had been given back. We are relieved to see each other. I haven't seen Bassima since her cousin's sudden and tragic death, and we embrace outside of the Gate. Even with all of the ritual and communal grieving that is nearly an industry in Palestinian society, it still hasn't hit her. And Rafael... we have a collective hug and share one last silent promise.

A cab ride to the Bethlehem checkpoint. We look for our friend, he who vultures the trash dump for his food. We do not see him. Maysoon and Bassima walk through one way, I go the slightly longer route. They are granted access by the soldiers and I am waved over. Maysoon sits not too far away, waiting. I'm often held up, picked on, flirted with, challenged, harassed, when I go through these checkpoints. It has been odd, no rhyme or reason, and this time, finally, Maysoon is a witness.

There are four soldiers sitting in a small makeshift office. They are all men, and by the look of them, none of them are of European descent. One of them, red eyed and chubby, says something in Hebrew, pointing to my hair. My hair is not pulled back this time, which is rare. It is wild and thick, curly and frizzy. Not a look I'd want on the cover of Vogue, but hey, it's me. He repeats himself and looks me in the eye. Maybe he thinks I'm a Moroccan Jew, which many Palestinians in Jerusalem do (God, do they). Maybe he thinks we're related. He is not happy I'm not responding to his gorilla-like subtlety.

The soldier holding my passport asks me if I speak Arabic. In Arabic. He does not have a hint of Hebrew on his tongue when he speaks in my father's. I play dumb. "I speak English. I'm from America." "But your name, Suheir (said perfectly, beautifully even), you must speak Arabic." I say nothing. The air becomes thick between us. A third soldier starts to chime in, in Hebrew. I ask over and over, "Is there a problem? Is there a problem with my visa? What is the problem?" They're bored and I'm entertainment. Finally, a senior soldier tells them to stop playing around and let me go. I am handed the passport without a word. Or a glance. I meet Maysoon a few feet away.

On the other side of the checkpoint we see the three boys we see each time we pass. They sell gum and chocolate. Last time we'd gone through, we promised to buy from them the next time. They remembered. Thank God I had change, cause they would have truly cursed us out this time. I buy some gum, give each some change. They descend on Bassima, whom they've never seen before. Then Maysoon says, "Suheir, it's our boy." And there he is, our beautiful Jesus of the trash. We shake hands. These boys are his relatives and neighbor. Rami is his name. I'd carried with me a track suit given to my by my aunt the morning I left Amman. She'd wanted to make sure it got into the hands of someone who really needed it. I place it in Rami's hands. He is a growing boy, and it will not last him a season, but for now, it is new and it fits. He blushes.

We walk to the cabs. There are always some Palestinian drivers sitting under trees, smoking and drinking tea. We walk by these. We are told they collaborate with the Occupiers, and there is no reason to believe this to be a lie. The soldiers do not let others sit there. And these men are usually vulgar in look and language. Our chosen driver takes us to Dheisheh and we eat a home cooked meal of chicken and rice before our writing workshop with the same young men we worked with a few days earlier begins. The young men who carried their friend Kefah's dying body out of the line of fire. They have brought with them two other boys. Maybe we are doing something right, Maysoon and I think. May Masri meets us at Ibdaa, to document the progress of the boys' work.

The young men are anxious to start. They are all at varying degrees of literacy and confidence in imagination. We go over the assignments they'd done at home. To speak in the voice of an object in their homes. A tea cup. A tooth brush. A TV. A computer. A chair. The process is long and distracted. We eventually get to the whole purpose of the exercise. "As writers, as people, we can never truly speak in the voice of another. If we practice writing about what a lifeless object would tell us about it's life, maybe we can attempt to speak in the voices of others. Your mothers know you and love you, but they don't know your heart, your thoughts, right?"

The getting through is slow. One of the boys I haven't worked with before says, "Of course I can write in my mother's voice." "What about the soldiers? The Israelis? You see them everyday. Your lives are completely related. Do you think he knows what you feel. Would he shoot at you if he could speak in your voice? Tell your story?" The going gets a little easier. "Do you think you know what that soldier who killed Kefah was thinking when he did it? How he has felt afterwards? I'm not telling you to be friends. I'm not telling you to justify it. I just want you to acknowledge you know as little about them as they know about you." The going is gone. They get it.

We give them more writing to do. We offer them soda and juice. The juice, by the way, is always sugar water. Maybe forty percent juice. There is a lot of fresh juice available in the market areas, but in grocery stores and sandwich shops it is usually this syrup that passes for natural goodness. One of the boys, Moseb, has been frustrated because his Arabic grammar is allegedly worse than my own. They other boys make fun of his penmanship, and pretty much anything he writes. Out of the corner of my eye I see him throw a crushed up piece of paper out the window. I'm livid.

"What! You think your country is a garbage dump? You want the Israelis to treat you better and this is what you do to the little we've managed to hold onto?" He is surprised at how upset I am. A deer in headlights. "Maysoon, I'm sorry, but I gotta take him to go get that paper. Yallah, let's go." We make our way down four flights of stairs and out to the parking lot. We both look for the paper, but do not find it. It must be on top of one of the tall sheds used for storage. I don't want him to break his neck looking for it, but my point has yet to be made.

Three me come out of the building dedicated to economic initiatives, which is parallel to Ibdaa. They begin to yell at Moseb for trying to climb the sheds. "What's going on? What are you doing, boy?" I take a deep breath. I have no idea how they're gonna take me disciplining one of their own. "He thinks Palestine is here for him to use as a waste basket. When the foreigners come here, they think we're naturally dirty people. Then they're taken to Tel Aviv, where everything is clean and new. He has to find the paper he threw out the window." The oldest of the men extends his hand.

"All respect, sister. All respects. Wallah, I try to teach them, but they don't believe me. They get used to living like this, and nothing I can say helps. You came all the way from America to help us teach him a lesson." To his credit, Mosab is not resentful of all this authoritative pressure. I'd already caught him smoking a cigarette while he was entering the workshop. I took it from him, smoked the rest in front of him, and told him he better not bring another lit one into the building. And now this. The paper wasn't on the roof of the first shack. He had to climb onto a higher one. Please God, steady him. He found it. The men playfully slap him on the back. We carry it all the way back upstairs and dump it ceremoniously into the trash can. Moseb's homework assuagement is an essay entitled, "Palestine Is Not My Trash Dump"

The rides home are long. Maysoon hears from Raphael on her mobile. He was made to take his clothes off at the airport, and detained for two hours. Interrogated. It is surreal for him. Weeks between Tel Aviv and Ramallah, and shot at and stripped in twenty four hours. Tell the world about this, Raphael. Tell them. We hear from him again when he's put on a bus, alone, and taken to his plane. We bid him well one last time. Until the next time.

We are driven to Bethlehem. Wait for fifteen minutes for a cab to drive us to Jerusalem. Ride. Wait another fifteen minutes for a van to take us to Qalandia. The driver has to stop and fill the van with gas. We get to Qalandia and Bassima gets off to go to her town, the three of us remaining go through to the other side. The apparatus of The Wall is all around us. I wonder what it will look like once it is completed. How much more sky will it swallow?

At Qalandia, the traffic to get out is so bad, there is no way everyone will do so before the checkpoint is shut down for the night. Still, people wait. We do as well, for Hamdi to pick us up. We collapse into the car. Drop off May. Maysoon and I eat a meal at Ziryab, fatigue and hunger battling within us both. Yazen joins us for part of our meal. We talk to our sweet waiter, Mohammad, who works everyday but Friday, when he goes home to Tulkaram to see his family. Once home, I fall asleep on the couch while Maysoon works on the computer.

Amari Camp in the morning. This time we are joined by Rhonda, from Ohio by way of Sin Jil. I love Rhonda, not only because she is Marwan's sister, but because she has worked to take Palestinian American kids to hospitals and camps while they were here for the Al Bireh Convention. She tells us Israeli Army helicopters use the headstones as target practice. We pass out foam paper and place mats, along with yet more beads and foam stickers, glue, foam animals, stars, fish, boats, suns, trees. The children are going to place their dreams of what the camp will look like once they and their families are allowed to return to their original villages. That is all you here, "When we go home."

The workshop is loud and the kids ornery. We're pretty tired as well. But the art is beautiful. They all want their names on their pieces. They hang them up in the room. Sing for us. Fight amongst themselves. After a long hour and a half, we begin to wrap up, and walk to the other rooms to see the children we didn't work with today. There is also a group of Europeans who have some to the camp to meet the children and the staff. We talk to them about today's workshop and previous ones. There is a kind Franciscan woman with a huge wooden cross around her neck. She is older and sprightly, with white hair and a wide smile.

Khalil is asking for me, Maysoon says. Khalil is the boy who'd ripped up his Polaroid project last week. He hit, cursed and interrupted. But today he isn't in our class, and now he is looking for me. Khalil was born with a healthy upper body, but below the waist, his legs and feet are useless, tiny appendages. He is ten years old, and brown as earth. Someone has painted his face, and the circle on his nose makes him look like a lion to me. Majestic.

Khalil's wheelchair is thrown together and ill-fitting beyond discomfort. He goes up and down stairs by using the strength of his arms. We walk into a classroom of girls who are going to sing for us. One of the girls wants him out. "Why?' "I don't like him," she answers. "I hate her," he responds. Turns out they always hit each other. "Who starts?" "I do," Khalil responds. Well, we're still gonna here the songs.

Maysoon, Rhonda and I are about to call Rhonda's dad to pick us up when we here a commotion. The first few minutes, we figure it to be the kids getting ready to go home. Anxious, loud. Then we hear screams, and see children running away from the main door, children running towards it. "The Jews! The Jews!" We can't believe it. What would the army be doing here, at the UN girl's school at lunch time? Yet, there they are, at the door. One boy says he peeked through the gate before the staff closed it. "Their guns were out, and soooo big, ya Allah!" How many are there? We can't tell. Maysoon can see seven or eight from where she is. The soldiers are looking for a man from the camp who is in hiding. They will enter the school, no matter who is at the door. "Where are the Europeans now? We need witness," Maysoon and I tell each other.

Amazingly, Shaher has just taken the group out of the school, so they can visit people's homes in the camp. But, thankfully, they are right around the corner. They see it for themselves. The children are terrified. It is chaos in the courtyard. The teachers shout at them to get into the playground. The older boys want to go see the confrontation. We screech at them to help us get the younger kids into the playground with us. We are dazed. The fear is right here, I can touch it. Shaher is at the door, more confident in speaking to the soldiers because of the European contingent. "If they hadn't been there, I'd have run inside as well," he jokes. May, maybe seven years old, with a long braid and pale skin is shaking. Is she paler now than she was ten minutes ago? There are children all around us, all in their own worlds of terror. "They are terrorized," Maysoon says. This is terrorism.

Khalil, out of his chair, waddles over to me. He rests his head on my lap. I caress his hair. He says nothing, just sits there. The army is still at the entrance. I ask him how many brothers and sisters he has. I ask him where he wants to travel to. "Amman," he quickly responds, "I want to get an operation so I can walk. I want to walk." The chaos is all around us, and we sit in the shade, on stairs in the courtyard. He wants to run.

After nearly half an hour and several life times, the army retreats from the school and enters the camp's homes. The children are lined up and groups of them go home together, under as much guidance as the staff can muster. Rafat, who is blind, has to wait for someone to take him home. Mohammad and Hosam are taken by a teacher and an aide. Hind sits with us in the teachers' room as soon as all the other children have left. We hear an explosion. Then we hear gun shots. The children are still just outside of the school's back door.

One of the older girls who has stayed in the room with us says, "Good, we will die martyrs. What is better than that?' "Living," I tell her. "Living is better than that." She eyes me. "What life? This is life?" 

Truth is the cry of all

but the game of few

~You can dream a little dream

or you could live a little dream,

I'd rather live it,

cuz dreamers always chase,

but never get it~

Afghan orphans

End The Occupation of Afghanistan ...

- The federal government has failed to show Canadians a single photo of Canadian-built schools, hospitals, training centers, or any physical infrastructure improvement.

- The government in Kabul is by all accounts corrupt, and run by warlords who carry on the world's largest illicit heroin trade.

- Since the US invasion seven years ago, no political peace process has been devised to resolve the conflict.

- Almost 100 Canadians have now died in this war. An estimated 50,000 Afghanis have also died, most of them non-combatants (women, children, the elderly and disabled).

- Studies indicate that of every $9 being given to Afghanistan in aid, only $1 is devoted to “reconstruction.” Elaborate networks of state corruption ensure that this $1 is largely diverted into elaborate networks of corruption. Kabul now has obvious city monuments to demonstrate where much of this money has gone.

- Kabul has become the most expensive city in Asia. The impoverished capital of 4 million people now sports a five star hotel (where regular rooms cost $250 USD per night), a new shopping mall, and a string of mansions in the posh central neighbourhood of Sherpur.

- Evidence also suggests foreign contractors soak up much “development” money themselves. An aide to President Hamid Karzai recently told a Quebec reporter that “...the international community has injected $19 billion into Afghanistan. About 95% of that leaves the country.”
- According to the same source, non-governmental organizations employ 540 foreigners who earn from $5,000 to $35,000 per month. The last elections cost $395 million. It was the foreigners who organized them, and kept the money for themselves.”

- The editor of Kabul Weekly, Mohammed Dashty, is harsher. “The UN is a government within a government…Look at their expenditures, the salaries they pay to their employees, their 4 x 4 vehicles that cross the city, their travel abroad. I call that legal corruption.”

- Jean Mazurelle, the World Bank director in Kabul, explained in 2007 that “...the wastage of aid is sky-high. There is real looting going on, mainly by private enterprises. It is a scandal. In 30 years of my career, I've never seen anything like it.”

- 1 doctor per 7066 Afghans. 1 soldier per 742 Afghans.

- Military spending outpaces development and reconstruction spending by 900%
Uranium isotopes in bombs have caused cancers, deformities, spontaneous death

- A useful corruption story (CIDA and Kabul's garbage removal):

- On October 31, a Quebec reporter (Ouimet) looked at a couple of projects in Kabul that the Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) says it is funding. One was an $85,000 project to clean up garbage and debris in the city. The project was contracted to a local Afghan businessman. CIDA says he hired 200 people and successfully completed it. CIDA also says it funded a project to install 340 pre-fabricated cement roadside drainage surfaces.

“Not true,” says the mayor of Kabul, Ghulam Hadidi. He says no one told him of the projects. “I have never seen anyone picking up garbage, and the city is as dirty as ever,” he told Ouimet. “So I ask the question, what happened to the money?”

His officials looked into the cement claim and found the number installed was less than claimed, only 138. The mayor says the city needs 3,800. It found that the cement used did meet the minimum structural standard. But it cost $20 per piece. The mayor says it could have purchased them for $4 each.

“It’s not easy to work with the Canadians,” the mayor told Ouimet. “Their personnel changes all the time.” The mayor’s daughter, Rangina, was blunter. “Where are they (the Canadians)? What do they do? We never see them; they sit in their fortified camp.”

Ouimet talked to the governor of Kandahar province, and he added his views on foreign aid programs. “Their bureaucracy is so heavy,” he said. “The international community does not listen to us. We never succeed in resolving problems.”

- CIDA says it spent $39 million in Kandahar last year and another $100 million in the rest of Afghanistan. The Senlis Council conducted an extensive investigation into these claims. “We were not able to see any substantial impact of CIDA’s work in Kandahar and, as a matter of fact, we saw many instances of the extreme suffering of the Afghan people,” reported Nadine MacDonald, president and lead field researcher of the Council at a news conference on August 29, 2007.

- $90billion has been splurged in military spending by NATO forces in Afghanistan to date. Canada has spent $9 billion so far, most of which in “search and destroy” missions in Southern Afghanistan.

- Nato forces' own figures show that attacks on western and Afghan troops were up by almost a third last year, to more than 9,000 "significant actions". And while Nato claims that 70% of incidents took place in the southern Taliban heartlands, the independent Senlis Council thinktank recently estimated that the Taliban now has a permanent presence in 54% of Afghanistan, arguing that "the question now appears to be not if the Taliban will return to Kabul, but when".

- Meanwhile, US-led coalition air attacks reached 3,572 last year, 20 times the level two years earlier, as more civilians are killed by Nato forces than by the Taliban and suicide bombings climbed to a record 140. The Kabul press last week predicted a major Taliban offensive in the spring.

- A recent New York Times article (Feb 24, 2007) confirmed a million pounds of bombs were dropped in Afghanistan from January to September 2007.

- To accommodate this appetite for militarism, the budget at Canada's Department of National Defense (DND) will balloon to $25 billion by 2010 (almost double its level two years ago).

- Afghanistan is indisputably worse off after seven years of foreign military occupation, and currently holds the lowest GDP per capita in the world.

- The UN notes that 70% have no access to safe drinking water, 88% have no access to reasonably sanitary living conditions, and 25% of children don't live beyond the age of 5. Women and children, given the presence of US-armed warlords, are at extreme risk.

- Meanwhile, Afghanistan is once again the world's biggest producer of opium, 93 percent of the world supply. President Karzai's brother is a famous druglord in Kandahar province.

- Malalai Joya recently wrote that:

" ...Under the nose of NATO troops and Canadian troops, the situation of women is getting worse day by day. More women than ever are committing suicide by self-immolation.

Recently, in Laghman province, a woman burned herself in front of the courthouse because she could not get justice.

The case of Parwez Kambakhsh, who remains in prison, shows that there is no freedom of speech in my country, even though it is guaranteed in our constitution.

Just this winter, more than 1000 people died from the cold, because of poverty. Some women have been forced to sell their babies for only ten dollars just to get enough money to survive. Many of their houses had been bombed and their husbands and families dead.

- Seamus Milne, a reporter for the UK Guardian newspaper, recently offered this judgement:

“For the majority of Afghans, occupation has meant the exchange of obscurantist theocrats for brutal and corrupt warlordism, along with rampant torture and insecurity; while even the early limited gains for women and girls in some urban areas, offset by an explosion of rape and other violence against women, are now being reversed. The meaning of "liberation" under foreign occupation can be measured by the death sentence passed last month on a 23-year-old student for blasphemy after he downloaded a report on women's rights from the Internet.”

An Afghan woman walks through a cemetery of the Afghan capital on December 3, 2001. Estimates put the death toll of more than 20 years of war in Afghanistan at 1.5 million to two million dead.

... From the lips of the Prophet Muhammad {peace be upon him} ...
came the saying, Mutu qabla an tamutu (Die before you die): leave this world with your own will before you are faced with the necessity of leaving it at the end of your life.

There are three steps to achieving eternal life by dying to the world.

The first step is to protect oneself against the love, the ambition, the lust, the pleasures of this world, whose attractions pull us down to it and whose illusions distract us from Truth.

The second step is to try to live in strict accordance with the divine precepts -- not in a forced way but in seeking and assuming the divine attributes, the beautiful names of Allah, and in making them one's character in sincerity. The most ordinary sort of example of this is when a sincere man is dead and buried, beautiful memories of him live on.

The third and final step is to efface oneself, all that one has done, and all that one was -- including the divine attributes with which one has characterized oneself, such ass the Living One, the Hearing One, the Seeing One, the Knowing One, the Speaking One, the One with Power, the One with Will, the One Who Can Create -- all and everything, and to realize that there is no existence except allah. There is no you, but He and you are lost in Him, and you exist with Him. This is truly dying before dying.

Such a person is in continuous remembrance and continually conscious; his consciousness extends this world into the other. Therefore, he will be alive eternally.

Continuous remembrance, total consciousness, is the goal and the sign of the perfect man. It is also the beginning, the means, and the key to perfection. Perfection is in Allah and is from Allah, and man attains it in the measure of his closeness to Allah.

To come close to Allah is only possible through loving Him, and to love Him is only possible through remembering Him. The Beloved of Allah, Muhammad {peace be upon him}, said: Man remembers often the one whom he loves.

Frequent remembrance of Allah increases His love in one's heart. If one's heart and mind are preoccupied with other things, one will forget the Creator and Sustainer of that heart and will neither remember nor love Him.

It is impossible to realize the Creator only with one's senses and one's mind. It is not easy to submit to Him through reason. But if one remembers Him often, that remembrance will penetrate into one's being -- into every part, every cell, deep into one's essence, making one able to remember Him without effort, like a heartbeat. Then the effort to be conscious will be replaced by the pleasure of consciousness. That pleasure will bring the love of Allah. Allah says: Remember Allah so often so that you will find deliverance from heedlessness, and find happiness. (Juma', 10). And: Those who remember Allah standing and sitting and lying on their sides... (Al-i'Imran, 191) are the heedful who see the signs of the creation of the heavens and the earth and know that they were not created in vain.

Realization of this is the reward of remembrance. The pleasure of seeing the harmony in the creation, the love felt for the Maker of this creation, are the signs that Allah has opened the eyes of one's heart and the gates of His Paradise.

There are only two rewards which Allah bestows upon a human being that He never takes back. One is the pleasure given in the remembrance of Him; the other is the lifting of dark veils from the eye of the heart, so that wherever one looks one sees the Truth in the beauty and power of the Creator.


An excerpt from

Inspirations: On the Path of Blame
Shaikh Badruddin of Simawna
Translation and commentaryby Tosun Bayrak al-Jerrahi

Rumi ...

Small heroes master their enemies.

Big heroes master themselves.

African Proverb ...

Until lions write their own history,

the tale of the hunt shall always

glorify the hunter

Sidi Muhammad Tayssir Safi ...

"I was trying to have a mawlid all day in my dream"

Pearl Jam ...

"Restless soul, enjoy your youth

Like Muhammad, hits the truth"